=There is also the idea that this service, our form and our relationship will be "revealed" to us at the time of death.=
Actually, the general consensus seems to be that it will be revealed 'after' death, not even 'at the time of death'. At death, all you have to do is remember Krsna's name and you'll go to Goloka.
A devotee told me recently that during one class, the speaker said something to the effect that it was going to be exciting to die and wake up in Vrndavana and finally find out who we are - either a desire tree or cow or gopi. !!! I have no idea where this insane notion came from. It's certainly not in sastra or Srila Prabhupada's books or the acaryas' books.
Srila Prabhupada makes it very clear in Teachings of Lord Caitanya, (page 318) what state of realization one must be in at the time of death to be qualified to enter Vraja lila:
As stated in the Bhagavad-gītā, a materially contaminated person transmigrates to another material body by material consciousness. At the time of death he thinks materially and is therefore transferred to another material body.
Similarly, one who at the time of death *is situated in his pure spiritual identity* thinks of the spiritual loving service rendered to the Supreme Lord and is transferred to the spiritual kingdom, to enter into the association of Kṛṣṇa.
In other words, *the qualification for being transferred to the spiritual kingdom at the time of death is to think, in one’s spiritual identity*, of Kṛṣṇa and His associates. No one can contemplate the activities of the spiritual kingdom without being situated in his pure, spiritual identity (siddha-deha).
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Yes, those verses from BG are always interpreted in the wrong way as you indicated. When Krsna says "remembering Me alone" it indicates complete absorption in your relationship, which is not possible if one still has anarthas, ie: material consciousness, and that directly relates to the next verse re "state of being" or consciousness.
Once you have actually realized your eternal identity, ie: the stage of bhava, you are on the transcendental platform and only serious aparadha could cause you to fall from that platform. At that stage you don't have to endeavor to stay focused anymore, ie: you are no longer 'practicing' because you have reached the goal, ie: the preliminary stage of prema.
Srila Prabhupada confirms this in a morning walk conversation Nairobi, 11.2.75:
Harikeśa: I'm curious about the destination of a neophyte devotee. If a neophyte devotee is with determination endeavoring for purification but he were to meet with death as he is still influenced by the lower modes, although he is seriously trying, then does he take another birth or does he go to Kṛṣṇa?
Prabhupāda: No, he has to take another birth. If he is not completely purified, he has to suffer another birth. Nobody is allowed to enter into the spiritual unless he is cent percent pure. No allowance.
Then he has to... Therefore it is said, śucīnāṁ śrīmatāṁ gehe yoga-bhraṣṭo sañjāyate [Bg. 6.41]. He is given chance, another chance, to take birth in a very pure brāhmaṇa family or rich family so that he may take again the chance, not in, he is allowed to enter. He is given a good chance again. That is his benefit.
Even if you are failure, still, your next birth as a very first-class human being is guaranteed. Not for others. It is only for the yogis. If he is... Therefore it is said that "What is the loss even if he is failure?" Tyaktvā sva-dharmaṁ caraṇāmbujaṁ harer bhajann apakvo 'tha patet tato yadi yatra kva va abhadram abhūd amuṣya kim [SB 1.5.17].
This verse is very important. Even by sentiment one comes to Kṛṣṇa consciousness and discharges the regulative duties, chants Hare Kṛṣṇa, his next life is guaranteed as a human being. Even he does it for some time—he is not perfect—still, his next life is guaranteed. But others, there is no such guarantee. Even if he discharges his so-called duties, material duties, there is no guarantee that he'll become a human being. [break]
Harikeśa: So if a devotee dies and remembers Kṛṣṇa, although he is not perfect...
Prabhupāda: Unless he is perfect, he cannot remember Kṛṣṇa. That is not possible. That is not possible. That is theory only. He must be perfect. Somehow or other, he has fallen, so Kṛṣṇa gives him the chance. That is special concession for devotee. Some way or other, you become devotee. Even if you cannot finish the whole job, if you fall down, still, there is guarantee that you get your birth in a very good society. That is the prerogative."
